Things I Wish I Knew Before 30
There are some hard truths in life that you sort-of-kind-of already know, platitudes that hover dormant somewhere in the hippocampus, but don’t truly understand until much later. From relationships to friendships and dating to career, success (and failure) can take many different forms and iterations. Oftentimes, we may be thriving in our careers and flailing in our dating lives or visa versa, believing we’ll only truly be happy once we’ve succeeded at all areas of life. It’s the universal human struggle that we all have in common, no matter what part of the world you live in. I’m sharing my favorite hard truths, mantras, positive affirmations or whatever you want to call them in today’s post on things I wish I knew in my 20s.
Some people are investments, and some people are bills.
If you don’t like where you are, move.
I lost a bag, I got a bigger one.
I lost a friend, I got a realer one.
I never lack, I just transition.Two traps you need to avoid:
1.Caring what they think
2. Thinking that they care– Scott McClure
If he wanted to, he would.
If you’re not on social media much you probably don’t know what a pick me girl is. It’s based on the Grey’s Anatomy scene where Meredith Grey begs McDreamy to choose her, “pick ME, choose ME, love ME.” When you’re a pick me girl, you seek out male validation from either your male friends or your romantic partners. Receiving this validation usually involves changing the way you behave and talk. For instance, putting down a female in front of the boys to feel accepted, trying to get the hot-and-cold new guy you’re dating to commit or bending over backwards for your boyfriend so he’ll finally pop the question.
No judgement if you’re a pick me girl – I used to be one. It’s no fault of our own – it’s because we’re all victims of the patriarchy from the moment we’re born. Starting from an early age, we learn that our popularity and worth is determined by how much interest we get from boys and whether we’ve nabbed a Prince Charming. Our value in the eyes of society is so greatly influenced by whose toned arm we’re holding onto. An interesting case study for this would be Sophia Richie’s overnight popularity as soon as she married Justin Bieber’s boss. Suddenly, everyone wanted to be her. But that’s a topic for another day.
Ladies, if he wanted to he WOULD. Stop seeking out his validation. If he’s making you go crazy inside your head, it’s because he doesn’t want you (that way). If you have to change the way you act just to get him to like you, do you really think he’s going to stick around when the going gets tough? And all relationships go through rough times. There is not one relationship that is immune to hardship.
Not all friends wish you well.
This one is a big pill to swallow. Not all friends are actually your friend. Now I know there are besties and there are peripheral friends. This isn’t what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about friends who secretly don’t even like you. In fact, they may even despise you.
Most of the time, this stems from jealousy. These are friends who see you succeeding in your career and hate that you’re doing better than them. They see your budding, happy relationship and try to convince you to break it off.
This is why they say that your biggest cheerleaders in life are often complete strangers.
People who are close to you or who come from the same hometown can’t bear to see you doing better than them. It reminds them that you both come from the same place but they didn’t go as far as you.
Jealousy is a powerful, powerful emotion and it’s a plague among women.
Sometimes no reaction is the best reaction
I, like many people, am highly reactive. When I was 21 I was once mugged at a train station (not violently) and I instinctively ran after my mugger and overtook him, tackling him to the ground and tumbled around with him for a brief moment before he got back up before me and got away. When a racist started harassing me and assaulted my pup, I cussed him out screaming.
It’s not that I regret any of this, but I’ve learned that knowing how to become less reactive is important in life. When you react, the other party is holding power over you. By not reacting, you are refusing to let them have that power. It’s in our nature to want to have the last word, but being less reactive means you are in control of your emotions – and that is power.
Indifference is the best revenge.
I used to think success was the best revenge. When I’d think about the rude son of a bi I mean stranger..or boss who wronged me, I would often daydream about “revenge” and how I would exact their punishment. I then progressed from that stage to the “success is the best revenge” stage. And later, I grew to realize that success is not, in fact, the best revenge – indifference is.
In the same vein as “no reaction is the best reaction,” the best revenge is simply not caring anymore. When you don’t allow things that happened in the past to drudge up negative emotions and take up mental headspace and energy, that’s when you’ve won. It’s actually a battle against yourself, because when you allow yourself to spend your precious energy and time on the past, you allow those things (that are no longer relevant and do not serve you in any way) to hold power over you. Because trust me, those people are NOT thinking about you.
Fail and fail fast.
One of the best lessons I’ve learned is to fail and fail fast. Why? Because it takes failure in order to achieve success. I love what Michael Jordan had to say about this:
I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
Think of failure as merely a stepping stone. Failure often forces us out of our comfort zones and challenges us to find alternative solutions. It pushes us to think creatively, adapt, and persevere. By embracing these challenges and viewing them as opportunities for growth, you open yourself up to new possibilities and expand your potential.
Not everyone will like you and that’s ok.
So much of our self-esteem throughout our formative years is formed through external validation. Whether or not our peers like us and how much they like us is a huge factor in the development of our self-confidence, which dictates how we move through life. But to that I say, WHO CARES. STOP caring whether someone likes you or not. STOP caring whether they’re judging you. LET THEM.
That’s a them problem, not a you problem.
Let them.
This brings me to my next “things I wish I knew in my 20s.” LET THEM.
Let people show you who they are.
It’s also about learning to acknowledge and embrace the fact that you do not have control over people and situations.
They talk about you behind your back? Let them.
They like to flake on you? Let them.
They don’t want to be with you anymore? Let them.
Again, let people show you who they are. Then decide what to do next. My advice, cut toxic people and situations out of your life.
So much of our anxiety stems from feeling like we don’t have control, whether it’s over people’s actions or situations. Adopting more of a live and let live approach to life can save us from emotions that serve no purpose.
You’re allowed to change your mind and so are they.
You are allowed to change your mind. This goes both ways so understand that they are allowed to change theirs too. This applies to any relationship or situation- business, personal or otherwise. I wish I understood better in my 20s that people can say one thing at one point in time, but that doesn’t mean they will feel the same at a later point. This would have saved me from a lot of wasted energy spent feeling angry, frustrated and anxious.
You can want kids one day and decide you don’t the next.
You can want to marry someone and decide you don’t at the last minute.
They can want to enter a business contract with you and then decide they don’t.
The best thing to do is move on. The faster the better.
For the love of God do not buy individual stocks.
Always dollar cost average, that is all.
More Lessons That Will Change Your Life Before 30
The Power of Financial Literacy
One of the most important lessons you should embrace before reaching the milestone of 30 is the power of financial literacy. Understanding how money works and developing smart financial habits early on can have a profound impact on your future success and overall well-being.
Take the time to educate yourself about personal finance basics, such as budgeting, saving, investing, and managing debt. Whether it’s through books, online courses, or seeking guidance from financial experts, arming yourself with knowledge will empower you to make informed decisions about your financial future. By understanding the principles of compounding, diversification, and risk management, you can lay a solid foundation for building wealth and security.
Financial literacy also extends beyond individual money management. It involves understanding broader economic concepts, such as inflation, interest rates, and the impact of government policies on the economy. This knowledge can help you navigate economic uncertainties, make strategic career choices, and recognize opportunities for financial growth.
Avoid falling into the trap of consumerism and excessive debt. Instead, focus on building healthy financial habits early on, such as living within your means, saving for emergencies, and investing for long-term goals. By prioritizing financial stability and cultivating a mindset of financial independence, you can create a life of freedom and flexibility.
Remember, financial literacy is not just about accumulating wealth; it’s about making sound decisions that align with your values and goals. It’s about understanding the true cost of your choices and being intentional with your money. By adopting a mindset of financial literacy, you can build a strong financial foundation that will serve you throughout your life, enabling you to pursue your passions, give back to your community, and live a life of purpose.
Incorporating the power of financial literacy into your journey to 30 will equip you with the tools and knowledge you need to navigate the complexities of the modern world. So, take the time to invest in your financial education and set yourself up for a future marked by financial security, independence, and peace of mind.
The Importance of Building Strong Relationships
At a young age, we begin to understand the importance of building strong relationships. We learn that a network of supportive friends can provide a safety net during challenging times and a source of celebration during moments of triumph. These relationships offer us different perspectives and insights that help broaden our understanding of the world. They become the people we turn to for advice, guidance, and encouragement.
In the professional realm, building strong relationships can open doors to exciting opportunities. As we enter the workforce, we quickly realize that success is not solely determined by our individual talents and skills. It is often our ability to connect with others, collaborate, and communicate effectively that propels us forward. Strong relationships with mentors, colleagues, and industry influencers can lead to invaluable career advice, introductions to new opportunities, and even lifelong professional partnerships.
Moreover, building strong relationships goes beyond personal and professional gains. It allows us to contribute meaningfully to the lives of others. By investing time and effort in nurturing our relationships, we create a support system that extends beyond our own needs. We become someone our loved ones can rely on, and we can make a positive impact on the lives of those around us.
Cultivating a Growth Mindset for Personal Development
In the fast-paced and ever-changing world we live in, personal development is crucial for success and fulfillment. It goes hand in hand with building strong relationships and contributing meaningfully to the lives of others. Moreover, by investing time and effort in nurturing our relationships, we create a support system that extends beyond our own needs, allowing us to make a positive impact on the lives of those around us.
Cultivating a growth mindset is an essential aspect of personal development that can shape our lives before we even reach the age of 30. Adopting a growth mindset opens doors to continuous learning, self-improvement, and resilience. It is the belief that our abilities and intelligence are not fixed traits, but rather qualities that can be developed and expanded through dedication and effort.
With a growth mindset, we embrace challenges as opportunities for growth rather than viewing them as obstacles. We understand that failures and setbacks are valuable learning experiences that can propel us forward. Instead of shying away from difficult tasks, we approach them with curiosity and determination, knowing that the process of learning is just as important as the outcome.
By cultivating a growth mindset, we develop a hunger for knowledge and a willingness to step outside of our comfort zones. We seek out new experiences and challenges that push us to learn and grow. This mindset allows us to develop new skills, adapt to change, and seize opportunities that come our way.
In the context of personal development, a growth mindset complements the concept of building strong relationships in shaping our lives. It enables us to be open to feedback and constructive criticism, leading to personal growth and improvement. It also fosters a supportive and collaborative mindset in our relationships, as we encourage and uplift those around us on their own personal development journeys.
Finding Your Passion in a Career
Do NOT stay stuck in a career that doesn’t make you happy. Just as building strong relationships and adopting a growth mindset lay the groundwork for a fulfilling and successful life, discovering our passion in a career enables us to align our interests and talents with our professional pursuits. It brings purpose and meaning to our daily work, fueling our motivation and drive to succeed.
When we find our passion in a career, it no longer feels like a mundane obligation but rather becomes an avenue for personal growth, self-expression, and fulfillment. We no longer dread Monday mornings but eagerly embrace the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead. We become more engaged, more committed, and more willing to put in the effort to excel.
Moreover, aligning our passion with our career allows us to leverage our natural talents and abilities, maximizing our potential for success. When we genuinely love what we do, we are more likely to invest time and energy into honing our skills and expanding our knowledge in that field. This commitment not only enhances our expertise but also opens doors to new opportunities and advancements.
By prioritizing finding our passion in a career, we lay the groundwork for a life of purpose and achievement. It sets us on a path where our personal and professional lives are intertwined, working harmoniously to bring us fulfillment and success. When we are passionate about our work, it positively impacts our mental and physical well-being, as we are motivated and energized by our daily endeavors.
Prioritizing Your Mental and Physical Health
Prioritizing our mental and physical health is not simply an option; it is an essential practice that can have transformative effects on our daily lives.
In a fast-paced world that constantly demands our attention and energy, it is easy to overlook the importance of self-care. But when we neglect our mental and physical health, we risk not only our well-being but also our ability to fully engage with the world around us. By prioritizing self-care, we ensure that we have the energy, focus, and resilience to tackle the challenges that come our way.
Caring for our mental health involves nurturing our emotional well-being and managing stress. It means allowing ourselves time for relaxation, introspection, and self-reflection. Whether it’s through meditation, journaling, or participating in hobbies we enjoy, making space for mental rejuvenation is crucial. Finding healthy coping mechanisms and seeking support from loved ones or professionals when needed can contribute to a stronger and more resilient mindset.
My mom always said to think of exercising like eating. It’s non-negotiable. Engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a balanced diet, and getting enough rest are all fundamental for our overall wellness. It’s not about striving for perfection or adhering to unrealistic beauty standards; it’s about recognizing that our bodies are our temples and treating them with kindness and respect. When we make conscious choices to prioritize our physical health, we not only enhance our longevity but also increase our energy, focus, and productivity in all aspects of life.
By prioritizing our mental and physical health, we lay the foundation for a thriving life. When we take care of ourselves, we are better equipped to face the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead. Our well-being becomes a catalyst for success in all areas, including our careers, relationships, and personal growth. With a strong mind and a healthy body, we can truly embrace life’s possibilities and experience the joy and fulfillment that come from living a balanced and purposeful existence.
The Art of Effective Communication
By honing our communication skills, we can enhance our overall well-being and set ourselves up for success in all areas of life, including our careers, relationships, and personal development.
Effective communication involves not only the ability to express ourselves clearly, but also the capacity to actively listen and understand others. It is about finding the right words to convey our message, while also being mindful of non-verbal cues and emotions. When we communicate effectively, we create an environment of trust and mutual understanding, where everyone feels heard and respected.
Furthermore, effective communication enables us to resolve conflicts and address challenges with grace and empathy. It allows us to navigate difficult conversations, assert our needs, and find common ground with others. By mastering the art of communication, we can foster healthier relationships, strengthen our professional networks, and build a strong support system.
Embracing Change and Adaptability
In a world that is constantly evolving, change is inevitable. Whether it’s societal shifts, technological advancements (hello AI), or personal growth, change is a constant companion on our journey through life. By embracing change and adaptability, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and opportunities for growth. Instead of resisting change and clinging to the familiar, we can learn to embrace it, recognizing that it is through change that we are able to learn, evolve, and become the best versions of ourselves.
Effective communication plays a fundamental role in our ability to embrace change and adaptability. It allows us to articulate our needs, express our concerns, and seek out new opportunities. Through effective communication, we can navigate the challenges that come with change, whether it’s communicating our ideas to a new team, presenting our work to a different audience, or simply adjusting our mindset to embrace a different perspective. With strong communication skills, we are able to connect with others, collaborate effectively, and build relationships that support our ability to adapt and thrive in the face of change.
While change can be intimidating, it is often through embracing new experiences and pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones that we discover our true potential. By actively seeking out opportunities for growth and personal development, we can cultivate a mindset of adaptability that serves us not only in our twenties but throughout our entire lives.
Set Short Term and Long Term Goals
In our quest for personal growth and success, it is essential that we not only embrace change but also set goals and plan for our future. Just as effective communication and adaptability are crucial in navigating the uncertainties of our twenties, so too is the ability to envision and work towards our desired outcomes. By setting goals, we create a roadmap for ourselves, a compass that guides us through the twists and turns of life.
Setting goals provides us with a sense of direction and purpose. It allows us to clarify what we truly want and what steps we need to take to achieve it. In our twenties, when we are still exploring and discovering our passions and aspirations, this process becomes even more significant. By setting clear and specific goals, we can channel our energy and focus into those areas that truly matter to us, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and purpose-driven life.
Moreover, setting goals helps us break down big dreams into manageable milestones. It enables us to chunk down our aspirations into smaller, measurable objectives, making them less overwhelming and more achievable. As we move towards achieving these smaller goals, we build momentum and gain confidence in our ability to accomplish bigger things. This process of goal-setting and incremental progress not only propels us forward but also instills a sense of accomplishment and self-belief.
Planning for the future goes hand in hand with goal-setting. It involves envisioning the life we desire and making strategic decisions to ensure we are on the right path to achieve it. While our twenties may be a time of exploration and uncertainty, having a flexible plan in place can provide a sense of stability and direction. It helps us make informed choices, seize opportunities, and stay focused on what truly matters to us amidst the distractions and noise of the world.
By setting goals and planning for the future, we cultivate a proactive mindset that drives us towards success and personal fulfillment. It empowers us to take control of our lives, make intentional choices, and work towards creating the future we envision. In the next section, we will delve into the value of self-care and work-life balance, understanding how they intertwine with our goals and aspirations, and contribute to our overall wellbeing and happiness.
Incorporating these surprising lessons into your life before the age of 30 is the key to unlocking a future brimming with success, happiness, and personal fulfillment. From mastering financial literacy to embracing failure, building strong relationships, nurturing a growth mindset, and prioritizing your well-being, each lesson serves as a stepping stone towards a life well-lived. By taking action today and implementing these invaluable insights, you’ll pave the way for a transformative journey that transcends age and time.
